An Argument for the Intellect Part 1: My Story
These articles have been a long time coming. I started formulating these ideas in and around 2004 when I started to be confronted with something that struck me as odd and out of place. When I joined the Church I felt liberated from my wandering. I was soul-searching, seeking for something more, most if it was subconscious. But at times it would surface and greatly affect me. This caused me to give up certain vices before finding the Church. I was a seeker early on, but it never really bloomed until I found the Church or as I have often said, until God compelled me to be humble and truly seek Him.
Growing up I paid little attention to books. I always tried to find the easy way out. I found out that I was good at this, I would recognize what the required work was and do the bare minimum to get a decent grade. This often meant doing book reports and quizzes on movie adaptations or reading books that were simple such as Goosebumps. My school never pushed us very hard and I do not blame them, they were simply following the status quo. I blame the circumstances that caused the shift to the status quo, which is too nuanced and outside of my purpose. It isn’t like I didn’t have good role models. My parents are readers. They love reading. I just never caught the vision. But one thing stuck in my mind, my parents’ insistence to do well so I could go to college. That was my bare minimum. This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy any subjects, I loved science and history, but I accepted what I was taught never really sought for more. I also loved the Bible, but more the idea of the Bible, like I said I didn’t read much. I graduated High School with a 3.7 GPA but that didn’t mean much with a dismal ACT score. I hate that test to this day. But really I was ill prepared for it, so it really isn’t the ACT’s fault. Though I still believe it to be a poor evaluation of a student’s intelligence. I still got into college and my plan was to go to Missouri State, then Southwest Missouri State, it was close to home and my parents had helped us (my brother and I) by remodeling a house early on for us to live in.
My attitude about things still didn’t change much in college. In fact, it got worse hence the vices. Mistakes were made, grades dipped slightly, and then came the compulsion. I wasn’t really coerced or forced, but a series of events changed my perspective. Many of my close friends who were living with me up until this point decided to move home and these were close friends, I grew up with them. New friends entered the picture, and by all definitions they were not true friends. They did many deplorable things and I was right along with them. After awhile I sobered up to my awful situation and stopped participating. At some point during all this my then girlfriend cheated on me and I was fired from my job for a simple mistake. I was not in a good state, quite depressed actually. But now I was humble, ready. And the Lord reached out His hand and plucked me out of my woe.
Life changed. In fact, a close friend, the one who baptized me a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Denver, told me I did a complete 180. Much of the memories have become hazy now, but I remember the important details. This is when I came alive. I remember an English teacher of mine, Melissa, who I remember fondly as the first teacher to really show me how to write. The first time I saw General Conference I walked into Church, only to be shocked by Melissa sitting there ready to watch it. Well we were both shocked. She knew something changed with me because I started coming to class. This caused her to do some of her own soul searching and decided to come to Church. And I did start going to class, my whole worldview changed. My horizon was broadened. For once, I was excited to learn and learn I did.
I was challenged to read the Book of Mormon, which initially, before going on this journey, I said I would never read it, because I don’t read. I was on track to read it in 6 months or so. I can’t remember if I accomplished that or not. But going to institute classes drove me to learn. As with all recent converts, I was also still meeting with the missionaries and learning from them. I was trying to soak up everything I could. But I really felt inadequate. I felt far behind everyone else. No one made me feel this way, it was just from observation. I observe a lot. Not growing up in the Church, I wanted to understand how others lived so I would watch and learn. I think I always did this, observed from a far. As I watched and learned, I would hear many of my friends quoting scripture, words of the prophets, scholars, and many others. I was amazed. I was astounded and the gulf between me and them was utterly apparent. So I doubled my efforts. When I decided to go on a mission, I quadrupled my efforts.
My effort wasn’t always consistent though, I had moments where I was lax and the drive wasn’t there. But for the most part, I studied. Most of this was at school, institute, and church. My friends also taught me many things. I wish I could remember when I started pulling books off the shelf in the Institute library or in the Institute director’s office, Bro. Harr. I know that most of my reading came after I decided to go on a mission and that was after one year in the church. Nevertheless, I started grabbing books and reading them. Anything that sounded interesting I would open up and consume it. I really fell in love with reading gospel-related books. I believe this was the first time I was exposed to Hugh Nibley.
Sometime during this learning spree, I came to my first cognitive dissonance. Not with the Church, but with the incongruence I saw between what I learned and how others lived. I do not mean to be judgmental, that is not at all what I mean. Let me share the story. One of the many books I pulled off the shelf was Mormon Doctrine by Elder McConkie. It looked wonderful. Finally, a concise encyclopedia of doctrine. Then a friend of mine said to be very wary of it. That it really isn’t doctrine and that it is not worth my time. This will not be the first time I have heard similar things about this book or others. I was confused. I thought this was a book by one of the apostles of the Lord’s Church. But I also trusted this friend too. I still read it because well, that is just me. I wanted to see why my friend was saying that. The book to my knowledge was from a good source. I wanted to understand. I remember reading it and referring to it multiple times as a missionary and afterwards. At first I could only see what I saw was true doctrine, even though it was not an official publication of the Church. I still believe much of it is true, but I am not that naive anymore. There are sections that are clearly his opinion. It is still a valuable book, nonetheless. I highly respect Elder McConkie. And I have since read many of his books including his biography, which I highly recommend. However, this is not the point I am trying to make.
I take no issue with the fact that books like Mormon Doctrine are not official, not canon. We have a plethora of books by the Brethren over the years filled with great insights, true doctrine, and their opinions. What I take issue with is the warning my friend gave me. I do not judge my friend, but that warning was an example of a cultural issue that must be rooted out. There is a strong culture of “I have enough” amongst members of the Church. “The scriptures are all you need.” I have been told or it has been alluded to me that I shouldn’t study outside of the scriptures, that there is no need to do so. There seems to be a fear, maybe stemming from a need to protect ourselves and others because we have seen others fall due to things they have read or seen. Maybe it’s to protect ourselves because the outside world sought to destroy the Church in the past and it is still seeking to finish the deed. So we project that feeling to all external entities, science, governments, corporations, etc. Not that there isn’t any truth to this, there certainly is. But it makes us wary, distrusting at times. This combined with a growing culture of anti-intellectualism in the world makes our state quite disconcerting. Therefore, we fall into the trap we often claim the Protestants are doing, “A Bible! A Bible! We have got a Bible, and there cannot be any more Bible.” (2 Ne 29:3) In fact, we hold much in common with many of our Protestant brothers and sisters. They hold to the doctrine of sola scriptura, by scripture alone. We hold to a similar doctrine, but instead of scriptures it is the prophets and apostles. Holding them to be just as infallible and inerrant as many Protestants hold the scriptures. We won’t even budge unless someone with authority tells us to do so. The minute you recommend something outside of this tradition, they will dig their heels in and put up their fists ready to fight. No wonder the Prophet Joseph Smith said, “I have tried for a number of years to get the minds of the Saints prepared to receive the things of God; but we frequently see some of them, after suffering all they have for the work of God, will fly to pieces like glass as soon as anything comes that is contrary to their traditions.”1 However, I firmly believe what the Savior said about truth. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32 NRSV) We don’t need to be afraid of truth, truth in the end will win out.
This is the object of these articles. It is to unload the burden that has built upon my shoulders, the frustration that I am faced with at times. And though this may be straightforward and blunt, which is my natural tendency, I hold no malice towards anyone, but seek to illustrate an argument for the intellect to engender a new generation of seekers.
However, my story doesn’t end with Mormon Doctrine and preparing for my mission. Another event has stayed with me all these years. It was striking, well it was to me at least. I was at YSA dance, dancing with a friend. At some point during the dance, she said to me incredulously, “You know more about the gospel than I do, and I grew up in the Church!” I was taken aback by the comment. I don’t remember if I said it then or not, but when relating this story to others I have often said, “Well, anyone can do what I have done. It is nothing special, just consistency.” I have often said that comments like that frustrates me too. How can we have so much given with so little care for it? As Elder Maxwell stated, “God is giving away the spiritual secrets of the universe, but are we listening?”2
Yet, it is much like my neurology teacher taught me, Dr. Huber. In the hallway, I was talking to him about various aspects of being a doctor when he told me that I was unique. That I wanted to learn, but he said most people are different. They are like electricity, seeking the pathway of least resistance. That really stuck with me and sadly it is true for many. Even for myself when I sought the bare minimum. And it didn’t end way back then, there are times when that is all I want to do. I learned to do that a long time ago and it takes years to unlearn it, back to neurology 😉. And there are days when I would rather watch TV all day or play video games, and I did it. I wasn’t necessarily doing anything bad, but I could have been doing something better those days. As Hugh Nibley taught, “Sin is waste. It is doing one thing when you should be doing other and better things for which you have the capacity. Hence, there are no innocent, idle thoughts. That is why even the righteous must repent, constantly and progressively, since all fall short of their capacity and calling.”3 I have had similar instances to my friend in the following years.
I will share two more events from my past, both are summations of different occurrences. The first one is when I initially wanted to be a S&I teacher. On my mission the want to study the gospel and teach it for the rest of my life exploded. This is all I wanted to do. After my mission, I enrolled in LDSBC with intent of transferring to BYU and majoring in Ancient Near Eastern Studies. I was so excited. However, when I was asked at Church what I planned to do for a career, I was met with blank stares, change of conversation, or even some hint of disgust. Needless to say, it confused me. I figured it would be met with joy and encouragement. I only received encouragement from one. Sadly, I have forgotten his name. He was an older gentleman in my ward, an empty nester. He had a unique background. Before he joined the Church, he was going to become a Catholic priest and was educated at a Catholic seminary. We hit it off, talked about all sorts of fun gospel-related topics. He was an inspiring man, but sadly the only one. I mostly remember being met with discouragement from others’ reactions. Why would this career choice be bad? I would get to study and teach the gospel, what could be better than that? Ultimately, I was led on a different path, but I have not lost my passion or want to teach the gospel. Even though it was a different path, I still was able to get my undergrad in Religious Studies with an emphasis in the History of Judaism and Christianity, though nowhere near what it would have been like in the ANES program. I love it.
The last event encompasses much of what has already been said. It is the idea of what I am doing is good, but it is only a hobby, it is not necessary. I have been told this on many occasions to the point that I believed it for a time even tried to justify it. However, I cannot anymore. Everything I have learned is that God places high priority on learning. The Prophet Joseph Smith stated, “It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance.” (D&C 131:6) The next part I will go into what the scriptures state about learning, about seeking. And I will end my story here.
1. Joseph Smith. Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, p. 520.
Growing up I paid little attention to books. I always tried to find the easy way out. I found out that I was good at this, I would recognize what the required work was and do the bare minimum to get a decent grade. This often meant doing book reports and quizzes on movie adaptations or reading books that were simple such as Goosebumps. My school never pushed us very hard and I do not blame them, they were simply following the status quo. I blame the circumstances that caused the shift to the status quo, which is too nuanced and outside of my purpose. It isn’t like I didn’t have good role models. My parents are readers. They love reading. I just never caught the vision. But one thing stuck in my mind, my parents’ insistence to do well so I could go to college. That was my bare minimum. This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy any subjects, I loved science and history, but I accepted what I was taught never really sought for more. I also loved the Bible, but more the idea of the Bible, like I said I didn’t read much. I graduated High School with a 3.7 GPA but that didn’t mean much with a dismal ACT score. I hate that test to this day. But really I was ill prepared for it, so it really isn’t the ACT’s fault. Though I still believe it to be a poor evaluation of a student’s intelligence. I still got into college and my plan was to go to Missouri State, then Southwest Missouri State, it was close to home and my parents had helped us (my brother and I) by remodeling a house early on for us to live in.
My attitude about things still didn’t change much in college. In fact, it got worse hence the vices. Mistakes were made, grades dipped slightly, and then came the compulsion. I wasn’t really coerced or forced, but a series of events changed my perspective. Many of my close friends who were living with me up until this point decided to move home and these were close friends, I grew up with them. New friends entered the picture, and by all definitions they were not true friends. They did many deplorable things and I was right along with them. After awhile I sobered up to my awful situation and stopped participating. At some point during all this my then girlfriend cheated on me and I was fired from my job for a simple mistake. I was not in a good state, quite depressed actually. But now I was humble, ready. And the Lord reached out His hand and plucked me out of my woe.
Life changed. In fact, a close friend, the one who baptized me a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Denver, told me I did a complete 180. Much of the memories have become hazy now, but I remember the important details. This is when I came alive. I remember an English teacher of mine, Melissa, who I remember fondly as the first teacher to really show me how to write. The first time I saw General Conference I walked into Church, only to be shocked by Melissa sitting there ready to watch it. Well we were both shocked. She knew something changed with me because I started coming to class. This caused her to do some of her own soul searching and decided to come to Church. And I did start going to class, my whole worldview changed. My horizon was broadened. For once, I was excited to learn and learn I did.
I was challenged to read the Book of Mormon, which initially, before going on this journey, I said I would never read it, because I don’t read. I was on track to read it in 6 months or so. I can’t remember if I accomplished that or not. But going to institute classes drove me to learn. As with all recent converts, I was also still meeting with the missionaries and learning from them. I was trying to soak up everything I could. But I really felt inadequate. I felt far behind everyone else. No one made me feel this way, it was just from observation. I observe a lot. Not growing up in the Church, I wanted to understand how others lived so I would watch and learn. I think I always did this, observed from a far. As I watched and learned, I would hear many of my friends quoting scripture, words of the prophets, scholars, and many others. I was amazed. I was astounded and the gulf between me and them was utterly apparent. So I doubled my efforts. When I decided to go on a mission, I quadrupled my efforts.
My effort wasn’t always consistent though, I had moments where I was lax and the drive wasn’t there. But for the most part, I studied. Most of this was at school, institute, and church. My friends also taught me many things. I wish I could remember when I started pulling books off the shelf in the Institute library or in the Institute director’s office, Bro. Harr. I know that most of my reading came after I decided to go on a mission and that was after one year in the church. Nevertheless, I started grabbing books and reading them. Anything that sounded interesting I would open up and consume it. I really fell in love with reading gospel-related books. I believe this was the first time I was exposed to Hugh Nibley.
Sometime during this learning spree, I came to my first cognitive dissonance. Not with the Church, but with the incongruence I saw between what I learned and how others lived. I do not mean to be judgmental, that is not at all what I mean. Let me share the story. One of the many books I pulled off the shelf was Mormon Doctrine by Elder McConkie. It looked wonderful. Finally, a concise encyclopedia of doctrine. Then a friend of mine said to be very wary of it. That it really isn’t doctrine and that it is not worth my time. This will not be the first time I have heard similar things about this book or others. I was confused. I thought this was a book by one of the apostles of the Lord’s Church. But I also trusted this friend too. I still read it because well, that is just me. I wanted to see why my friend was saying that. The book to my knowledge was from a good source. I wanted to understand. I remember reading it and referring to it multiple times as a missionary and afterwards. At first I could only see what I saw was true doctrine, even though it was not an official publication of the Church. I still believe much of it is true, but I am not that naive anymore. There are sections that are clearly his opinion. It is still a valuable book, nonetheless. I highly respect Elder McConkie. And I have since read many of his books including his biography, which I highly recommend. However, this is not the point I am trying to make.
I take no issue with the fact that books like Mormon Doctrine are not official, not canon. We have a plethora of books by the Brethren over the years filled with great insights, true doctrine, and their opinions. What I take issue with is the warning my friend gave me. I do not judge my friend, but that warning was an example of a cultural issue that must be rooted out. There is a strong culture of “I have enough” amongst members of the Church. “The scriptures are all you need.” I have been told or it has been alluded to me that I shouldn’t study outside of the scriptures, that there is no need to do so. There seems to be a fear, maybe stemming from a need to protect ourselves and others because we have seen others fall due to things they have read or seen. Maybe it’s to protect ourselves because the outside world sought to destroy the Church in the past and it is still seeking to finish the deed. So we project that feeling to all external entities, science, governments, corporations, etc. Not that there isn’t any truth to this, there certainly is. But it makes us wary, distrusting at times. This combined with a growing culture of anti-intellectualism in the world makes our state quite disconcerting. Therefore, we fall into the trap we often claim the Protestants are doing, “A Bible! A Bible! We have got a Bible, and there cannot be any more Bible.” (2 Ne 29:3) In fact, we hold much in common with many of our Protestant brothers and sisters. They hold to the doctrine of sola scriptura, by scripture alone. We hold to a similar doctrine, but instead of scriptures it is the prophets and apostles. Holding them to be just as infallible and inerrant as many Protestants hold the scriptures. We won’t even budge unless someone with authority tells us to do so. The minute you recommend something outside of this tradition, they will dig their heels in and put up their fists ready to fight. No wonder the Prophet Joseph Smith said, “I have tried for a number of years to get the minds of the Saints prepared to receive the things of God; but we frequently see some of them, after suffering all they have for the work of God, will fly to pieces like glass as soon as anything comes that is contrary to their traditions.”1 However, I firmly believe what the Savior said about truth. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32 NRSV) We don’t need to be afraid of truth, truth in the end will win out.
This is the object of these articles. It is to unload the burden that has built upon my shoulders, the frustration that I am faced with at times. And though this may be straightforward and blunt, which is my natural tendency, I hold no malice towards anyone, but seek to illustrate an argument for the intellect to engender a new generation of seekers.
However, my story doesn’t end with Mormon Doctrine and preparing for my mission. Another event has stayed with me all these years. It was striking, well it was to me at least. I was at YSA dance, dancing with a friend. At some point during the dance, she said to me incredulously, “You know more about the gospel than I do, and I grew up in the Church!” I was taken aback by the comment. I don’t remember if I said it then or not, but when relating this story to others I have often said, “Well, anyone can do what I have done. It is nothing special, just consistency.” I have often said that comments like that frustrates me too. How can we have so much given with so little care for it? As Elder Maxwell stated, “God is giving away the spiritual secrets of the universe, but are we listening?”2
Yet, it is much like my neurology teacher taught me, Dr. Huber. In the hallway, I was talking to him about various aspects of being a doctor when he told me that I was unique. That I wanted to learn, but he said most people are different. They are like electricity, seeking the pathway of least resistance. That really stuck with me and sadly it is true for many. Even for myself when I sought the bare minimum. And it didn’t end way back then, there are times when that is all I want to do. I learned to do that a long time ago and it takes years to unlearn it, back to neurology 😉. And there are days when I would rather watch TV all day or play video games, and I did it. I wasn’t necessarily doing anything bad, but I could have been doing something better those days. As Hugh Nibley taught, “Sin is waste. It is doing one thing when you should be doing other and better things for which you have the capacity. Hence, there are no innocent, idle thoughts. That is why even the righteous must repent, constantly and progressively, since all fall short of their capacity and calling.”3 I have had similar instances to my friend in the following years.
I will share two more events from my past, both are summations of different occurrences. The first one is when I initially wanted to be a S&I teacher. On my mission the want to study the gospel and teach it for the rest of my life exploded. This is all I wanted to do. After my mission, I enrolled in LDSBC with intent of transferring to BYU and majoring in Ancient Near Eastern Studies. I was so excited. However, when I was asked at Church what I planned to do for a career, I was met with blank stares, change of conversation, or even some hint of disgust. Needless to say, it confused me. I figured it would be met with joy and encouragement. I only received encouragement from one. Sadly, I have forgotten his name. He was an older gentleman in my ward, an empty nester. He had a unique background. Before he joined the Church, he was going to become a Catholic priest and was educated at a Catholic seminary. We hit it off, talked about all sorts of fun gospel-related topics. He was an inspiring man, but sadly the only one. I mostly remember being met with discouragement from others’ reactions. Why would this career choice be bad? I would get to study and teach the gospel, what could be better than that? Ultimately, I was led on a different path, but I have not lost my passion or want to teach the gospel. Even though it was a different path, I still was able to get my undergrad in Religious Studies with an emphasis in the History of Judaism and Christianity, though nowhere near what it would have been like in the ANES program. I love it.
The last event encompasses much of what has already been said. It is the idea of what I am doing is good, but it is only a hobby, it is not necessary. I have been told this on many occasions to the point that I believed it for a time even tried to justify it. However, I cannot anymore. Everything I have learned is that God places high priority on learning. The Prophet Joseph Smith stated, “It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance.” (D&C 131:6) The next part I will go into what the scriptures state about learning, about seeking. And I will end my story here.
1. Joseph Smith. Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, p. 520.
2. Neal A. Maxwell, “Our Creator’s Cosmos,” in By Study and by Faith: Selections from the Religious Educator, ed. Richard Neitzel Holzapfel and Kent P. Jackson (Provo, UT: Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University, 2009), 37–50.
3. Nibley, Hugh. Approaching Zion. Salt Lake City: Deseret, 1989.
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